The 21 Steps to Becoming an Alpha Male

11. Study Unconventional Alpha Males.

Guys like Teddy Roosevelt or Ernest Hemingway are guys I’d deem “conventional alphas”. That is, they’re the kind of manly men we think of when we hear the term alpha male. Both, however, are well-rounded individuals. Instead of focusing merely on the socially alpha characteristics, study some of the “quieter alpha males”.

Thinkers and philosophers like Einstein and Socrates come to mind; Gandhi is another one. Jesus is another guy who was a great thinker, but also a physical leader of so many other strong men – so he was, in part, a conventional alpha male.

Learn about men who were great men, but without the bravado that comes with the conventional alpha male moniker, so you can be an alpha male in the truest essence of the term.

12. Learn How to Be Successful With Women.

… By first forgetting about them.

If there’s a beautiful woman within eye-shot, earshot, or simply in the same country, I’ll notice her. I’m sure most guys are like that. We’ve all got a “babe” radar. For some it’s stronger, others it’s weaker. For some guys it can be debilitating in that it makes them nervous, or too aware of themselves and how they’re acting when conversing with a beautiful woman.

An alpha male is, yes, successful with women. They admire him. They can feehis testosterone and internal power, but it isn’t something that he forces upon them, and it’s not something that’s completely physically manufactured. They’re attracted to him because, although he treats every woman like a princess and holds them with high regard, he isn’t concerned with what they think or whether they’ll like him or not.

Now, this will change with a few special one’s – three if we’re following Chazz Palminteri’s advice from A Bronx Tale‘s advice. Your attraction to them may be too strong, and you may get butterflies, and a bit giddy, but just in the same way you can only turn the other cheek if you first posses the power to stand and fight, you can only handle that beauty who steals your soul if you can first control yourself, and your whits, around other beautiful women.

How do you do this?

1. Know your priorities.

A woman can’t be your first priority in life, your purpose must be. Your purpose is that thing that drives you forward. It keeps you focused and gives your day-to-day actions, meaning.

Forget about women, and focus on your own shit. The women will come. You’ll treat them right because you’re a good dude, but you won’t get wrapped around their finger because you’re not a pussy, you’re an alpha!

13. Learn How to Treat A Lady.

An alpha male knows how to treat a woman. This is one part chivalry, one part emotional and spiritual support, one part mental stimulation, and one part being her man, her knight in shining armor.

Of my good friends, and those whom I really respect – including my Old Man, and his Old Man – it’s my friends who first developed as men, then found their dream girl, that have had the most successful relationships. Part of this development is dating. You need to date to learn more about women and how to treat them.

There are, however, simple things you just do for a woman – much of which has been lost by a misguided “feminism” and the utter emasculation of men in our society. Let’s go over a few:

  1. Grab the check! None of this going dutch bullshit.
  2. Open the door for her.
  3. If she’s cold, put your jacket around her shoulders.
  4. Hug her a lot, hold her close.
  5. Be active in decision making. Too many guys just sit back and let their lady choose where to eat, where to go, what to do. Being active shows you care. If you don’t care, don’t be in the relationship.
  6. Sometimes you’ll argue and you won’t have a clue what you’re really arguing about. Don’t try and be right all the time. That’s not always the point. Just be there for her, listen to her, and touch her, hug her, let know feel that you’re there.

14. Seek Adventure.

Coming from a guy who spends a far amount of time behind my computer, writing, reading, researching, life isn’t about being in an office, or sitting down. Life, that is, excitement and adventure, is outdoors. Life exists in action. An alpha male is active, adventurous. He doesn’t have to be a daredevil, but he is the guy who says yes when it’s presented, or seeks out adventure.

He isn’t the guy who prefers to sit on his ass playing video games.

Wondering where all the real men have gone?

They’ve been lost to MaddenCall of Duty, and World of War Craft. They’ve been taken in by fantasy and ripped from reality. Just as women find romance in their novels and movies, men have been defeated, tamed, and raped of their masculinity by video games and porn.

Nothing is real anymore. We find a sense of power on the web and behind a controlled. Man the fuck up and put that controlled down. Get outside! Find adventure. Align your spirit with the warrior that you are. Whatever that means to you in your life, start testing, trying, and figuring out where your adventures lie.

An alpha male lives in the excitement that can be his reality. He doesn’t get lost in a false reality and a false world.

15. Be Great At Something.

Whatever your purpose is, or the core skill that your purpose requires, the alpha male must become great at it, not simply good. Good is common. An alpha male is about as uncommon a being as there can be.

Michael Jordan understands this. As did Marciano, Ali, and even Tyson. Competitiveness is a trait of the alpha male. His competitiveness, however, isn’t brought from a place of insecurity, like it is in many cases, but from strength and power.

We have one life, one chance at doing something the right way, our best way. So many people waist this opportunity with lackluster effort. They waste almost everything with a half-assed approach to life, to their craft, and to competition.

Compete and be great at something because it makes more sense! Who the fuck is going to remember or care about someone who doesn’t always give it their all. Teddy Roosevelt is a great example of this. He was a guy who gave life itself everything he had, and he left this world with nothing left in the tank.

alpha male quote

16. Befriend Your Mortality.

Death is something that is both the one experience every one of us will share in this lifetime, and something we rarely talk about. Well, let’s talk about it.

You are going to die, and that death may be very soon.

An alpha male lives with a sense of urgency, appreciation, and freedom that comes with accepting, and befriending his own mortality. Think about your own death every single day, at the beginning of the day.

I start each day out with an hour of “me time”. That sounds somewhat new-agy and out there, but it’s powerful. I read and write in my journal, and one of the most powerful things I’ve done as of late, is write down and become very aware of the fact that my death is both imminent, one day closer than it was yesterday, and I’m okay with that.

Am I doing everything I want to be doing with my life? No. Have I accomplished everything I want to accomplish? Hell no! And that’s exciting. You and I both have so much more to do, but we’d better start moving and making big, bold, audacious moves everyday, or before we know it we’ll be an after though.

I love the quote on the image above. Men are haunted by the vastness of eternity. It scares the crap out of us. We’re here for such a small, insignificant amount of time. And in comparison to that time, we’re pretty damn insignificant. An alpha male does his utmost – and I mean he really does his best – to become the most significant man he can become.

For some, this may mean a couple pages in the books of history. For others this may mean a big spot in the hearts of a few. Neither is better, but the alpha male befriend’s his mortality. He makes it a real part of everyday and lives with the courage that comes with accepting that his death can come at any moment.

17. Live Hard.

An easy life, both physically, emotionally, and spiritually is one that sees little growth and even less experience. Teddy Roosevelt called it The Strenuous Life, whatever you deem it, life should incur a good degree of placed hardship. This is why I’m such a fan of sports; they teach discipline, and they encourage us to enjoy pain, because it’s through pain that an athlete improves and becomes great.

  1. Wake up early.
  2. Work hard in the gym.
  3. Join a boxing club.
  4. Play hard.
  5. Seek adventure and push your limitations.

Don’t give into your lazy tendencies. An alpha male can’t be lazy. He just can’t. It’s completely against his nature. As soon as he becomes lazy, his life becomes meaningless, and he begins to lose. Walk hard. Live hard. Work hard.

18. Know Your Values.

So few in today’s world know what they value. They feel that everything is okay, nothing is wrong, and to stand up and say something is wrong is to judge. Well that ain’t an alpha male. An alpha doesn’t judge for the sake of judging, but he calls himself and others out if it needs to be done. He’s not so much of a pussy that he fears the wrath of those around him if he voices his opinions and he stands by his values.

Man the fuck up and know what you stand for. Part of this can be done by surrounding yourself with good, strong, honorable men. Men you can look up to and learn from. You can also determine this by facing your fears, and reading. Grow your mind and spirit by pushing yourself.

Stand for something! The alpha male has all but left the planet because he’s failed to have a backbone on any issue, and for any just cause that goes against the crowd. An alpha male isn’t afraid to stand alone if he’s fighting a battle that he deems just.

19. Defend Those Who Need Defending.

To be an alpha male is to be a caretaker; to be someone who has others depending on him. They can depend on his financially, emotionally, spiritually, for wisdom, for inspiration, or for all of the above. But he defends those who can’t defend themselves.

Churchill stood up and called for the world to fight an enemy that everyone wanted to avoid. In doing so he fought for millions that couldn’t fight for themselves. Too many people – especially men – stand idly by as innocence suffers, as women have hands raised to them, as kids are abused and mistreated.

We’re to defend those who can’t defend themselves. As an alpha male you can handle yourself, you take care of your body, you’re strong. You have a duty to stand up for those who weren’t blessed with those same benefits, or haven’t yet developed them.

What’s odd is you’re probably going to have to defend them from someone just as physically strong as you, or even a group that could be physically as strong as you. Be a man and defend, fight, and carry for those under your care, and those who aren’t.

20. Know What it is to be Honorable.

demspey alpha male


Along with the emasculation of society has come the loss of honor. We aren’t training our men to be honorable like we once did. There are not rites of passage in our society.

If there is no one to show men what honor is, how can they be honorable?

The mark of a warrior, of a real man, and of an alpha male, is that he’s an honorable man. He doesn’t hit a man when he’s down, he doesn’t cheat, rob, steal, or pick on those weaker than him. If he makes a mistake, he owns up to it. If he sees someone in trouble, even if he’s outnumbered, he comes to their aid.

If there’s one characteristic of the 21 steps I’m mentioning here, honor is the one you should hold with the highest respect. Know what it’s like to live with honor. If you don’t, you can’t be a man, and you can’t be an alpha male.

21. Be a Good Person.

Being good isn’t seen as an admirable quality like it once was. Things are given more importance than the kind of people we are. And what’s the benefit to us if we’re good?

Well, just like life is going to be hard – a guarantee that you can take to the bank – life also isn’t all about you or I. We’re a part of something here on this planet. A part of everyone else on this planet. Being good is important, it’s maybe more important than all of the other steps you need to take to become an alpha male.

Being good is also rarely associated with being an alpha. It’s usually associated with being a doormat or a lapdog, or someone that other people walk all over, tease, or beat up. But a man – a real man – that can be a warrior, live hard, fight for what he believes, knows his values, and is a good person, is someone that history and life will be kind to.

I put be a good person last on this list to hammer the point home. Everything we’ve already talked about on this list; having a purpose, living hard, working hard, being adventurous, living life as a warrior, are all null and void if you’re not a good person. Being a good person isn’t merely in your heart, either. The world is filled with people who “have a good heart.” It’s useless without good action.

  1. Don’t gossip. Gossiping and talking behind others back is weak. Don’t do it.
  2. Help others when it inconveniences you. Anyone can help others when it’s easy, but doing it when it makes your life harder, is the sign of an alpha male.
  3. Live a life that benefits others. Your job may only make you money, but does that money help you support your family? Do you give to others? Benefit others in every way you can.
  4. Lift people up, never tear them down. For some reason people love tearing others down. It makes us feel more powerful, more important. Don’t. If you’ve followed all of the steps thus far, you’re a warrior, you’re self- aware enough to know if you’re treating people like shit to fill avoid within yourself. Don’t fill that void, fill theirs with kindness.

Becoming An Alpha Male

All we can do to ensure that we’re successful in this life is take responsibility for us; for who we are, what we accomplish, and how we live.

  • To ask for hand outs is a step towards the life of a coward, not an alpha male.
  • To want what others have and not work to get it is a step towards the life of a coward.
  • To be jealous is cowardly, as is gossip. To lie, cheat, and steal, again, cowardly.

The alpha male is on the other side of the coward. The coward has many peers, the alpha male, many he’s in charge of caring for. When he fights the battle of life, he isn’t merely fighting for his own pride and honor, but for the pride and honor of everyone around him, or connected to him.

I’ve given you steps on how to become an alpha male. They aren’t easy steps. Actually, the majority of them are the exact opposite. They call for struggle, pain, and sacrifice. They ask you to live a hard life, to fight, to get hurt, knocked down, and to test yourself every chance you get. They ask you to be a warrior and a man.

It’s easy to sit in front of your TV and play video games. It’s easy to find a sense of strength online, and a sense of pleasure in porn. It’s easy to cheat, to take from others, and to look the other way when the weak need your help. If you want easy, then you can’t be an alpha male. If you embrace the struggle, the hardship, and the adventure that is the battlefield of life, though there may be more pain and loss, there is definitely more meaning, and more life, as an alpha male.