MEN DON’T CRY -Chad Howse
Growing up I had heroes. I still have them. I was lucky enough to have my old man around, but I also looked up to the cowboys on TV or the heroes in the history books.
What I learned from each of these great men, my dad included, wasn’t the men aren’t in touch with their emotions – though many of us aren’t, not nearly on the same level as women – or that men care so much about what others think about them that they dare not cry and show weakness, but that when a man is faced with something, even if its overwhelming, he says a prayer then seeks out a solution.
They don’t break down sobbing, they don’t wallow in their own failure or at the difficulty of what lies ahead, they accept the situation, they have faith that they’re strong enough to bare its weight, and then they begin working on a solution.
This is good. It’s a part of being a man. When enemies were attacking the village the men couldn’t hide in a corner and cry, they had to step outside and fight. When their families had no food they had to take their gun or arrow or spear and go out and hunt. Over thousands of years of horrible situations that men and women and their children have endured, men – and many women – saw the necessity in choosing action over immediate reflection. They saw the need to face the situation, to dig their heels in and fight, rather than attaching emotions to it. (Read This: How to Overcome Adversity)
We need men to do this. We’ve always needed men to do this. Now, however, as we degrade the value of the family, as abortions become as popular as skittles, excusing men from their responsibility as fathers and community leaders and cities that provide us with all we need – protection, food, and entertainment – men are being encouraged not to address the problem head on, to fight, to survive and react in a manly manner. Instead we’re being told to address the problems in our lives and in our communities by attaching our emotions to them.
Men have always teared up. We’ve always cried when our wee ones are born or when they graduate or get married or when the right movie – Field of Dreams – hits a chord. We haven’t, however, sought to address our emotions before we address a problem.
Attaching emotions to problems does not solve them. Getting sad that something happens will not fix that event, nor will it make you stronger. It will delay the solution, it will turn your focus inward when your family, your tribe, and your community needs you to find a solution.
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So cry, by all means, when it’s appropriate. But don’t cry when there’s a burglar banging on your door. Fight. Don’t cry when you get fired, start looking for new work. Don’t cry when your lady dumps you, find other avenues to focus that energy.
You’re a warrior. You’re a leader. Your reaction to every event is your choice. Choose the reaction that will lift others up, not the one that will have them coming to your aid.